First dates are petrifying. You don’t know each other, there may be no chemistry and things have the ability to go downhill very, very quickly. The upside is that if it’s a dinner date, you at least get some yummy food out of the deal, right? WRONG. When it comes to eating on a first date, I’ve learned that what you order helps define you to the stranger sitting across from you, therefore you must order very carefully as not to give your date the impression that you’re a sloppy mess, snob or serial killer. In my (and my friends’) various experiences in dating, here’s what your first date food order says about you. And always, ALWAYS steer clear of super spicy Indian food unless your bowels are rock solid.
Anything With Garlic: I have no self-awareness or foresight … or I don’t like you.
Tacos: I’m impulsive and a short-term thinker. Tacos are always delicious, but I forgot that I will eventually get bloated and gassy, which is not attractive.
Burger And Fries: IDGAF what you think. I want something delicious because I’m hungry. It’s not glamorous and you may judge me for it, so go ahead.
Buffalo Wings: I’m adventurous and not afraid of getting down and dirty.
Pasta: I’m a romantic. There’s something seductive about a savory plate of pasta, as long as sauce isn’t dripping all over the place. Lady and Tramp thought so, too.
Steak: I’m dominant and powerful. Anybody who wants to slice into a big filet with a steak knife says “I’m in control” (and maybe that attitude will spill into the bedroom later on).
Oysters: I’m DTF. Plain and simple.
Chicken: I play it safe. Chicken is easy to eat, doesn’t smell or leave you feeling too full, but you may be perceived as boring.
Pizza: I’m down-to-earth. I’m not too uppity, but I also might not be very adventurous.
Meatloaf: I’m not here to impress you. There’s nothing impressive or sexy about meatloaf, therefore there’s nothing impressive or sexy about this date.
Chicken Vindaloo: I am not interested in you, because I don’t care that I’ll spend the night on the toilet instead of on top of you.
Quesadilla: I’m fun, easy going and playful.
Surf And Turf: I’m fancy, sort of materialistic and don’t care about money, because you’re paying … bitch.
Salmon: I like you and consider your feelings. I chose a lean piece of fish that’s not too smelly or hearty, tastes good and is classy.
Chicken Fingers: I am a child trapped in an adult’s body and am unaware that you’re probably judging me.