A breakup is one of the most stressful things any of us can go through in our lives. Even when your rational mind knows the relationship is toxic, it’s hard to let go of the emotional and fearful thoughts telling us life without the relationship is impossible. But have no fear. New beginnings lie behind the break.
Think of your relationship split like cutting off a malignant tumor. There is pain while it is being removed, and that hurt can last for a while. But in time, as your heart repairs, you will begin to feel better. As cliche as it may sound, time heals all wounds.
Be patient as you evolve through this life-changing event, keeping in mind these 5 things you should never do right after calling it quits.
When that lonely feeling arises (and it will), you need to know that your mind is likely to wander back to a point in your relationship when all was well and the two of you were happy together. At times like these, for whatever reason, our memories often will recall only the good times. You’ll start wondering why you two ever decided to split in the first place.
Reminiscing about the good times is really a regression of your emotional progress. You should never allow yourself to call or go visit your ex in a moment of weakness. This will just set you back emotionally and you’ll have cheated yourself out of time.
There are reasons you two are not together anymore, and you need to bring those to mind forcefully. Don’t forget all those irritating habits he or she had that you could not stand; remember all the fights.
If you think there may be a possibility that the two of you could mend your differences, you still need to give yourself a break away from each other. Your ex needs to earn his way back into your life and prove he is worth it.
For the first few months following a breakup, you should not socialize together if at all possible. You should try to have no contact with your ex — no meeting up in person or contacting each other over the phone, via email, text messaging or connecting on social networking sites. As the saying goes, old habits die hard. It is just too easy to fall back into the relationship. It’s like an old, comfortable chair.
But you’ve got to remember that chair is full of dander and parasites that you really don’t want crawling all over your skin! Plus, it can be just torturous to your heart to be around your ex, especially if he’s the flirtatious type. Don’t do that to yourself. And never, ever fall into the trap of indulging in one last romp for “old time’s sake.” What’s done is done — and that includes your sexual encounters with him.
Keep your distance and spend time with the best company around – you! Do all the things you love. You may have to relearn who you really are and find out what makes you happy. Being a couple is all about compromise. Now you can concentrate selfishly on yourself, so do it!
A great first step in getting past the relationship is to go through your home, phone, car, wallet, etc. and put away all those things that remind you of your former partner. From photographs and gifts to his favorite foods and CDs, all these items can slow your emotional growth. By removing them from plain sight, this action alone reaffirms your intention to move on with your life.
Although you may feel like trashing some of these things, it is best to store them in a box that you can put away for the time being. Remember, the moments you spent with him are a part of your life’s history and probably have changed you in one way or another.
After all the emotion is gone and you’ve transitioned past this point in your life, you may want to revisit the box and the memories it holds. Then you will have a clear understanding of what you want to keep and what you might want to give away.
It is so easy to replace your ex with another warm body, and many of us do just that. Unfortunately for you and for the new beau, the relationship is more than likely doomed. Most people coming out of a long-term relationship are not emotionally ready to hold up their end of the bargain in a new commitment. There is too much baggage that hasn’t been sorted through and resolved.
Keep in mind, this doesn’t mean you can’t go out. By all means, have a dating frenzy. Meet new people, experience new things and enjoy the company of others. Take the time to have fun before becoming exclusive with someone new. You need to get to know yourself again before you can give that next guy the best of you.
Feelings of depression are normal when a relationship ends. This may lead you to crawl under the covers and sleep for days or stay up all hours of the night watching romantic movies. You may not want to communicate with anyone, but it is important that you do.
Isolating yourself is really a form of punishment. You have to be willing to ask for help. Look for a friend or family member with a shoulder you can cry on. You may even want to seek out a professional counselor to work through these feelings of despair and loneliness.
The first few months after a breakup will be full of ups and downs. Bear in mind, you are going through something traumatic. Give yourself permission to be sad, depressed and confused as well as relieved, happy and excited about what lies ahead. Just know that the pain will eventually lessen. It will not be like this for the rest of your life. You will heal and be OK.
And always remember, an ending is just the start of new beginning.