When it comes to dating, high standards aren’t necessarily a bad thing. But when trivial “problems” and unreasonable expectations unravel what could’ve been a good relationship, then it’s time to step back and examine your criteria to see if you’re being too picky. First of all, if minor issues with his appearance are dealbreakers, then you might be a little unreasonable – weird eyebrow shape, dresses a little too neatly, too average or anything else that’s super trivial (and easily altered or changed, depending on the occasion). Giving a guy another chance if he’s late to a date – and has a good reason – is smart, but it’s a little unreasonable to dismiss him outright after you arrive five minutes late and he’s not there. If you can find fault with your guy when he’s sleeping, then you might want to rethink things.

Consider your exes – would you ever consider getting back together with any of them? If you don’t even have to think about the answer, and it’s a resounding NO, then ask yourself what was so wrong with them. Are you the partner who usually does the dumping? Or the one who always is the one to break up first? Sometimes finding fault in every single guy you date can signal your desire to avoid intimacy. Compare your own behavior and characteristics with those you feel strongly about in your partner – perhaps you may dislike those characteristics because you see them in yourself.

Saying No the Nice Way

When it comes to matters of the heart, there is nothing more painful than unrequited love. Even if you are the one who doesn’t reciprocate the emotions, it can still be a hard situation to handle. If you aren’t interested in a suitor, you don’t want add insult to injury. Although the truth is going to hurt, lessen the blow by following some of these helpful hints. Be honest. Let him know you just aren’t feeling it. Turn him down gently by explaining that although he is a great guy, you don’t think of him in a romantic ways. If you feel it necessary, play the friends card. Explain that you don’t want to jeopardize your friendship. In some cases, you may want to do a self-deprecation act. Point out all of your faults and list the reasons you wouldn’t make a good partner. Whatever you do, don’t lead him on.

Do not give him false hopes or empty promises that the situation could change in the future. Sometimes saying “no” nicely just isn’t enough. If the courtship continues, be firm. Make it clear that a relationship between the two of you is going nowhere fast. What if he still doesn’t take “no” for answer? Desperate times call for desperate measures. Cut ties with him. Don’t take his calls. Ignore his texts. Avoid him at all costs. You don’t want to add fuel to the fire — so put some serious distance between you and him. When killing him with kindness doesn’t work, it’s time to get serious. Shut it down before it becomes a problem.